I spent the morning outside on my yoga pillow sitting in the sun, being thankful for this chill in the air.
It’s just enough to trick me into thinking I am not in Texas anymore. Y’all, this Texas heat is for real, still nothing compared to the humidity of Louisiana.
This is a different kind of heat. A hot, dry, crisp, burning in the sun kind of heat. It makes my skin burn.
This morning I argued with myself about weather I should go to class at the studio or not.
I have a strong self practice but lately I have been called to be seated in a room full of fellow people.
I need the inspiration and the encouragement of community lately.
I sat there thinking and procrastinating for to long.
Now I’ll never make it in time.
I didn’t stick to the plan. I felt crumpled and defeated. I silently beat myself up all morning so therefore the morning didn’t go well.
Fast forward to after my meditation, journaling, drinking tea, brushing teeth, eating, more journaling, and lots of beating myself up….. I’m now in my right mind. I feel a lot better. In a clear state of mind I now see that I was acting ridiculous, stuck in old habits… old patterns of reaction.
I realize that I was beating myself up by being stuck in the moment. Reliving it on that hamster wheel. Over and over again.
I guess the whole point of me spilling my guts so early this morning is…. I shouldn’t be sitting here beating myself up because I didn’t “stick to the plan”. The plan is overrated and silly…. not to mention… “why do I even have a plan .. it’s Friday!?”
I sat down, wrote it all out. I have found some deep seed where I was called out for being “flakey”. All that anger at myself comes from the shamefulness of being flakey! Somewhere along the way the plan has become so important to me, that I’m now a “plan to make a plan” kind of person.
I’m letting it go.
I’m letting the plans go.
When I let it all go, I ended up having a really awesome solo morning yoga session in the cool, forgiving air. The wind forgave me, so could I too…
Wake up earlier. Plan my day better. Do or don’t stick to the plan. Drink water. Wear sunscreen. None of this really matters when we are being hard on ourselves.
Some days we miss the ship.
Some days we were waiting at the dock before it even arrived.
It’s all okay. It’s a part of our own special journey.